Turn 25: A Life Changing Moment

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Blow the Grown-Up Life

Hello World!

It feels different from what I usually feel when March is coming. I whisper something in my prayer when I opened my eyes on 29th March,

I believe this year is gonna be my year. Dear God, give me more strength to be brave to step into Grown-Up life. It is getting more difficult but I know that all of I have done will be paid off.

As I get older, I realize one good thing in my life. I AM PRECIOUS. Yes, I didn’t realize this when I was kid especially in my teenager life, but life encourages me to appreciate what I look like, what I have, what I can do, and what makes me just like who I am right now. My childhood was filled by sad memories from bullying experience because i am brown girl until family financial matters. I will explain these.

I was born from the Flores parents, that is why I got this brown skin with curly hair. Back in my childhood, most of my friends were from the Western part of Indonesia and of course they have light skin tone. They used to call me “black girl” and only a few of them were willing to be my friends. I didn’t have self confidence at all and not be able to express myself. It was difficult to grow up with this feelings, but i don’t know how I manage to get there. Probably my family who gives all of the strength. Papa and Mama have been so supportive by saying that I always look beautiful. Well I guess they are not the only one in this world, I am sure that every parents will always support their children. I tried almost every hair-style and  changing a lot of fashion-style just to be accepted. Frustrated! I don’t know who I was.

It was in High School, my break-even point, suddenly it all changed. I have learned so many things about Pluralism  in race, religion, politic perspective, and even about atheist. I finally got the point that every of us is unique in their own way, and no one will see that if we don’t see it for ourselves. Studied and Lived in Pangudi Luhur Van Lith Boarding High School were changing my life direction. I started to respect layers in our society, the fact that so many people couldn’t get access to education which is for me is the key to change your life. Starting in high school, I tried to find my own path to be a teacher. Yes, my high school encourages every person to share, could be anything every Sunday in rural area near Magelang and Yogyakarta. Then, I realized something, now I have strong base to build my dreams.

In financial matters, I guess I can still be counted as the luckiest person in this world, until now. I know God is Fair. Papa and Mama are not rich at all. Papa quit his job because no one can take care of me and my brother in 2nd grade. So mama is the one who works. (I will tell story about Papa later). I started to shine in school since I was in High School and it led me to get accepted without test in Parahyangan Catholic University in Development Economics major and in addition, I got full scholarship until I graduated cum laude ^^ I felt like I don’t want to put too much burden to my parents, so I have worked really hard to perform in school to maintain the funding from the scholarship. I fall in love with Economics ever since the first lesson which was Macroeconomics. Economics is so practical and makes me happy even though it is soooo difficult especially with the Econometrics.

Right before graduated, I got a chance to work as an intern research assistant for three months at Bank Indonesia (Central Bank of Indonesia). Since I already know that I want to be a teacher and researcher in Economics, so after graduated, I applied to some research institutions, government institutions, and NGOs. And… this lucky bastard got accepted in Ministry of Finance as a budget analyst. How lucky I am??? Freaking Lucky!! Yeah, almost three years here and I guess it is the right time for looking further. I gained so many knowledge and I couldn’t thank enough to God for His grace.

Here I am, the 25 years old girl, who is ready to hit the journey of my dreams. I am AWESOME, I love myself and I will always do, because I am PRECIOUS and God created me for a reason. Until the reason finds its closure, I am gonna be a realist dreamer.

Cheers world!

Maria

The Peak of Your Career is A Commitment

Hello world!

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my current mood

Have you ever heard about that quote before? If you never heard, then you’re lucky to hear it now. It’s scaring, yes indeed! Commitment.

A few weeks ago, I saw a friend posted a quote in Bahasa Indonesia on Path which was

The peak of your career is commitment

When I saw it, I felt something was about to explode. It just fits to what I feel right now. I have been working for one of the Ministry in Indonesia Government since 2014. It has been complicated for me. When the first time I worked here, I tried to blend in its dynamism. Time flies and after two years, I just realize that I don’t love what I am doing right now. That is probably the reason why I feel so tired even though the job I have done is not too difficult. This is the reason why I keep complaining about this job.

I realized that my commitment to be a civil servant is decreasing. Well, it is not bad at all, since it means I need to do something for my life, otherwise I will end up with guilty feeling to myself. Last September, that was the time that I finally decided to do something. So ever since then, I have been preparing to chase my dreams. Life must go on right?

I have always known that I want to teach in the future. It encouraged me to take a big step to prepare for my higher education which is Master in Economics. And for almost six months already, I have prepared all of the requirements from essay until IELTS Test. I have to say it’s been exhausting, but I love what I am doing now, because I know this is the way to achieve my dreams.

Anyway, I will post in detail my journey to get admitted at the one of the leading university in the Netherlands later.

All I can say for now is that I am glad for all of this doubt about commitment happened recently. It pushes me to think twice of what I am doing and turns out I am not happy with my job. It is not like what I expected and moreover it is not something what I want to do for the rest of my life. Now, I found that teaching is my dream and I promise to myself I will push myself harder to achieve my dreams. I want to be there, to the peak of my career, to the peak of my life, which is the commitment.

 

Cheers world!

Maria